First, reading to the end of this blog has its
benefits. But don’t skip. Read it all.
It is the second of October and I had my surgery
approximately 10 days ago. Ten non-business days ago. I have to keep reminding myself that since
the pathology report was support to take 7 to 10 days. How I wrote that blog from the hospital, I
still have no idea. Thank you for
everyone that read it. As a side note, I
welcome visitors in small doses. In
fact, if you are ever on Main Street or want to come by and say hi, please
do. It’s amazing how much joy someone’s
love brings. Never understood the
heart/healing power of love until you need it.
I also want everyone to know that these blogs aren’t meant to be impersonal. It’s just an easy way to update everyone that
wants to know.
So here is the bad
news
- Still no news on what grade of astrocytoma I have. “Still waiting…”
- I have gained twenty pounds. Just a combination between the steroids to control the swelling in my spinal cord which reduces my numbness and my constant need to eat. Luckily, my mom and David have really helped to reduce my eating habits, but the first three day back from the hospital, my brain was convinced I wasn’t eating. I would be in mid–lunch and ask when lunch was. I’ve been trying to get out, walk some stairs, but when the lady at the store asked when I was due…well, you know! We have named the food baby Roger…cause he’s a crazy little kid.
- I am at the worst of times a grumpy cat. We should have recorded this stuff. With the right soundtrack, I would have scared that silly cat into submission
- I went to the Eric County Public Assistance Department on the 1st of the month. Don’t ever do that. I have applied for SNAP (Food Assistance) and I have no shame in admitting it. I’ve been paying into the system since I was 16, so it’s about time that I use the dang thing. But should you ever need to apply for any kind of government assistance, go on the 15th. You’ll thank me, later!
Here is the good
news
- I am walking around the house without the use of a cane and the numbness in my foot has reduced by about 25%. My hand is pretty much the same as before surgery. I was hoping for a little more reduction. But since they only removed enough of the tumor for pathology testing (which was the plan based on the type of tumor), the compression relief on my spinal cord has been minimal. My left feel like I’m walking on one of those moon shoes. It’s odd. My balance has its moments. But it’s better.
- I am in good spirits (and this is probably the most important.) Although, the results aren’t what we wanted, they aren’t the worst possible results. CORRECTION- Shortly after I wrote this, I had my first post-surgical break down. It was shortly after I paid rent and then had the realization that I have no idea when disability will kick in and when and if I get SNAP approval. Literally watching my bank account drain down to a few dollars is scary business for someone that has been working two jobs for almost their entire life.
- Now for as scary and depressing as that breakdown sounds, it was in fact a great thing. I learned that the amount of anesthesia I was administered takes times to wear off (like several weeks). Now combine that with the pain meds - a nice Valium, Xanax and Tylenol with Codeine cocktail and you can imagine why the past week and a half has been great. I have been slowly weaning myself off of this magical cocktail (with doctor’s supervision, of course) and taking smaller doses of the addictive medications while using other non-addictive herbal medical options.
What I’ve learned
- I understand that a lot of people out there don’t see the benefits of medical marijuana, but I strongly encourage those that don’t to at least try and educate themselves. Especially when it comes to edibles and CBD’s. Watching my father suffer from withdraw and addiction from his years of prescribed but necessary prescription use, I have always been very anti-pharmaceutical. When the nurse told me they wanted me to take Valium at the hospital, I refused at first. But luckily, she took the time to explain to me all the medications I was on, how they were going to affect me and that the Valium was actually going to help me heal the fastest. And she was right. After going through this experience, I believe that there is a healthy balance between pharmaceutical and medical marijuana. But what we need is more people in the medical profession learning how to use the options together. In an age where the start of a dangerous opiate addiction is as easy as opening a bathroom medicine cabinet, we need to stop the fighting and start looking for healthier, effective options. My feeling, this planet has given us a plant with some pretty amazing healing properties. Why don’t we use it all together for a healthier and happier medical community
- I’ve also learned that we don’t do enough to help others prepare in the event of planned medical or even unplanned medical emergencies. From the time my doctor and I agreed on surgery (six weeks from agreement to procedure), I was shocked at how difficult it was for me to plan ahead. I understand that people milk the system. But we weren’t talking about elective surgery – (although I was slightly disappointed to recover with my B-cup still the same size.) Jokes aside, this was 100% necessary, but yet other than filling out paperwork, there is no planning ahead. Both disability and food stamps require waiting periods. Yet people that abuse the system do it with ease every day. I don’t know what the solution is, but I feel like there is something about the system that needs to be changed. Maybe that what I get out of this. Maybe it’s my calling to help others to deal less with the stress and more with the healing
Shortly after I typed the last sentence, my doctor’s office
called. I will still meet with Dr. Landi to discuss the next stage of my
treatment on Tuesday, but the news was good.
The tumor I have is called a Pilocytic astrocytoma.
Ironically, they are generally found in the brain and in juveniles under
the age of 20. They are almost always
grade 1 (which is almost always benign).
Now comes the plan which is an array of options: radiation; radiation
& surgery; just surgery; and even the dreaded chemo option because until I hear the words benign grade one still has
its cancerous risk. But for now, I only
know that I got the best news I could get for this situation until Tuesday.
Being
patient is hard. I just want to know the
plan. I want to move beyond this chapter and start to live a life that is deserving
of the person I should be. I want to
make a difference. I want to spread
light, love, and joy. There is a great
line from the song “Swimming in the Ocean” by the band Jimkata where Evan sings
“I feel like a train almost hit me and then I realized that it missed me.” Every
time I get good news lately, that how I feel.
So please
remember, no matter how bad you think it is, it really isn’t. You are what you
create. I believe my body is telling me something very important This “tumor” is a sign that my
life, body and soul is sending me a message.
Something has to change. And the timing is perfect. I
finally feel my light, spirit and love. I
just have to get better to finally put my trinity together.
Much
Love,
Kat
P.S. I've gotten to a point no where, really , I ain’t too proud to beg. I have been surrounded by generosity but I
will also tell you that food, medicine, out of pocket medical coverage (since I’m
not working) and just general bills have drained what savings I tried to
build. I know that everyone has
something going on, but should you feel like donating to help my cause, your
love won’t go unnoticed. I will pay it forward. Simply put – I need help and I’m asking for
it. Below is the link for my giveforward
campaign that some friends started for me.
Every little bit helps.
https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/qn45/kat-horton-s-spinal-surgery-fund
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